Painful-Bitter-Devastated-Helpless

No words can describe how I feel now, I am so helpless, this is one of the few moments in my life that I feel so unsure about my own feelings...the one reality that I have been avoiding is hitting me hard now...I remember all those times since birth until now, you bringing me to the jetty where we cruise along the river in the wooden little ships, making paper boats for me, buying us snacks late in the night and got your toe hurt, riding you blue colored bike to the grocery store to grab some chips, going to the playground with you and got chased by dogs, taking care of the 3 of us when papa left us, bringing us to school, buying me a dictionary, open the gate for me when I was locked outside, buying me an electronic panda, shopping with you, buying dim sum during the New Years, will I ever be able to see you again? I won't ask for anything more, as long as you are happy, I hope you will have a good life now and in the future, be free from mental suffering and enmity... my dear no.1 grandpa, I will never forget every moment we shared...The house will be so quiet without you and every other New Year will not be the same without you...